My Oath...

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

We all have read these lines in our schools. For me these were just 2 lines from some random guy which I crammed and wrote in the exam for 2 marks. I was in my third grade at that time and getting 2 marks in an exam was much more important for me then promoting non-violence in the world. Like most of the good learning from school I forgot these lines too, until life taught me that what this really meant.

The day was 26 May 2015. My phone rang; it was 4:00 AM in the morning. It was my cousin brother; I didn't expect good news at this hour when he informed me that our Buai Ji (Uncle) had passed away. It was a completely unexpected and heart breaking news. We decided to leave for home at that very moment. We drove for the whole day and reached our late uncle's home in the evening only to witness the state of melancholy. Everyone was devastated from the unexpected demise of our uncle. It was heart breaking. Somehow I gathered strength only to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I looked up towards the sky in order to contain the tears in my eyes. We tried to console our poor aunt but in our hearts we all knew that it was not going to work, but we still did it because it was the only thing in this world we could have done at that time.

 Anyways, time had played its course. Everyone born has to leave the world one day. Next day the cremation of the body was done by my cousins, Rakesh and Rupesh (the sons of the late uncle). Then they had to take the ashes of their father to Haridwar for the final set of rituals. We had their bus ticket confirmed and they were supposed to board the bus in the evening at 4:00 PM. The bus came as scheduled and we were escorting my cousins to the bus. Rakesh was about to get in the bus when some tourists pushed him back in order to board the bus first. Ishu, one off my other cousin asked the tourist to let Rakesh get in first and in return one of the tourists said something abusive. It wasn't late when I saw a quarrel had just started in front of my eyes. I was not in the favor of this hand to hand combat and I went forward in order to separate the two parties. I had just reached near the bus when a man came and punched me out of nowhere. I still trying to be submissive, I pushed that man back without hitting him again with the intention to stop the quarrel. It was too late; I could see all the tourists charging on the six of us. I was desperately looking for my dad when I saw a man holding him from back and another one hitting him on his face. That was the first time in my life when I felt what anger was and what the meaning of unleashing the monster within is. I ran to my dad, I punched the man who was holding him from back so hard that he fell down. I then grabbed the one who was punching him and I don’t know what I did to him. The next five minutes was a black out for me.

The next thing that I remember was that I was standing near the bus and the submissive me was back. I was again trying to cool down the fight. I saw my father inside the bus and he was scolding the person who started the quarrel. I also went inside the bus when I saw the same person who was hitting my dad hiding on the back seat. I again lost myself, I rushed towards that guy abusing and blindly started hitting him non-stop on his neck. He was almost unconscious when my elder brother stopped me. I was still not done with him and I pulled him down the bus punching and kicking the shit out of him. I only stopped when finally there was no energy left in me.

The police had arrived, everything was quite now. We put in our side of the story and so did the tourists, but the police believed us based upon the witness given by the localities in our favor. The police then deported the goons from the bus and arrested them. They were taken to the police station and were left only when they apologized to us and signed an affidavit saying that no harm will be done to Rakesh and Rupesh who were already gone by that time in the bus.

All said and done we were back at home. The same things were going on in my mind. I was tired because of the fight but was not able to sleep. I was confident that the opposite party was the culprit but I was unsure whether I was right in punishing them so bad or not. I was feeling guilty; I was not able to sleep that night. I kept on turning sides on the bed thinking that my hands are paining by hitting them, what affect the beating would have done to that poor guy whom I bet so mercilessly. My blood was cold at that time but I was able to think more clearly. The face of that MAN was now clear in my mind. He was not a man… He was a boy, a college going boy I guess. He must have been a year or two younger to me. I know he was wrong in hitting a person of his dad’s age, but was I right in hitting him back and that too so relentlessly? I was cold! Real cold! My dad never taught me this, I tried to help him but by breaking the ethics that he had taught me. I was feeling so shameful on my heinous act. I still feel the excruciating pain of my act. I still have too many questions in my mind for which I think I don’t have any answers. But that very night I took a oath in my heart that this will never happen again. Never ever ever again! This is not who I am, violence doesn’t define a man. A courageous man is smart enough to find out solutions without violence. I want to be that man and will work hard to be one. For me that was the first day I ever used violence and that was the last day too!

by Ambuj

The Chosen Family

The Chosen Family

4th October 2009... This is the day when I met two of the favorite people of my life. Autumn had just started and the hot winds were turning into cool breeze. Though I loved this season the most but this year it was different. I was sad and unhappy. The reason... I had got admission into an engineering college and I had to leave home and move to Chandigarh for my education. I was a little nervous about staying at the hostel because of the scary hostel myths that every freshmen fears. But more than the fear of a new place I was more dejected of the fact that I was about to leave home and my parents. Finally the big day came, my dad woke me up and asked me to buckle up as we had an early morning bus to catch. I can still remember that day, I woke up from a sleepless night. I was so anxious the previous night that the whole night I could feel my heart beating , loud and clear. Mom packed the lunch and we were on the go. We reached at my hostel in the evening where my dad gave me his blessings and bid me goodbye with a heavy heart. It was a hard moment for both of us. I kept standing on the road until his cab disappeared from my sight. That was the first time I saw moisture in my superman's eyes. It was painful! 

I went upstairs to my room and met Ravish. He seemed a little introvert but overall he was nice. We went on a tea talked a bit and returned to our room only to find that we had our first beggar case. Yes, beggar case! While your stay in a hostel you find ample of people who ask for your stuff. Bear in mind, a thing once lent in a hostel has 0.009% chances of being returned. This beggar had come for my bucket. Though I gave him that but I was afraid that I would never see that bucket again. Now the fun fact is that the bucket came back but not alone, the person who lent the bucket also came with it. He shifted in our room! His name was Rahul. At first I and Ravish were not happy of him being in our room because Rahul seemed a little loud but later we figured out that he was the last spoke to our wheel. We became the closest friends that mankind has ever seen and for the record, Rahul proved out to be more of a giver than a beggar. Me, Ravish and Rahul... We were a band now. We were reckless, we were adamant, we were witty and we were crazy. It was no longer when everyone in the hostel realized that room number #37 belonged to the Satan because Ambuj, Ravish and Rahul lived there. We were like a fist which once joined used to take down any opponent with our wits. We did all sort of things that a person can and cannot imagine. We had a fun of a lifetime. 

We laughed, we cried, we danced, we wandered, we fought and we made-up with one another, but we never gave up. No matter how immature we were then but we stood up for one another and never gave up on one another. No matter how bad the things went amongst us but we always knew how to move on with just the good that all three of us had made together. We agreed to disagree but never let the disagreements hamper our relationship.  I guess this is what the magic of friendship is. I guess this is what a family is.

Now when I turn the pages of my life exactly 5 years and 8 months back, I realize that I left my family home on 4th October 2009 but I also made a new family on the very same day. I guess this is how life works, you fall in love with the people who show you the reflection of your own self in their eyes and the clearer the image the stronger is the relation with that person. And when you say friends… this is the one family that you can choose...

by Ambuj

Bank of Karma

Bank of Karma

Meanwhile in Lord Brahma's office...

Soul care executive, "Hiee! This is angel number #AG143 calling from Lord Brahma's office. Am I talking to soul number #SL007?"

Scared soul #SL007 replies, "Hello... Soul number #SL007 speaking."

#AG143 continues, "Sir, this call is in regards to your lease period on the heaven. We would like to inform you that your lease period on the heaven is about to expire..."

#SL007 interrupts, "Ma'am it has to be a mistake! It has not been much time since I have been staying at heaven. Kindly re-check."

#AG143 checks and replies, "Sir, we have re-verified with the Bank of Karma and we have a balance sheet of your Karmas with us .Chitragupta has calculated your stay in the heaven with respect to all  your good Karmas in your previous life. Hence we are sorry to inform you that your stay in the heaven has come to an end and you will be flying to earth in a time of seven days."

Confused #SL007 says, "No wait.. please hold on... This cannot be possible."

#AG143, this time in a heavy voice replies, "Sir, all good things come to an end, you being a pure soul in all should understand this. Every single entity in whole of this universe is moving, nothing is stationary. Similarly you also need to keep on moving. Also, here or anywhere, nothing comes for free, you need to earn your place by yourself. Go to earth earn some good Karmas and we'll be happy to have you back, and when your period ends you will have to return and earn more good Karmas. Not to mention bad Karmas can also lead you to the fires of hell. Being there can be even worse than being down there on the earth, I can assure you that." 

Still scared #SL007 replies, "#AG143, I am aware of all this stuff but the thing is I am afraid... I am afraid that that how will I fit myself again in that materialistic world. Life, goals, relations..phewww... how will I be able to handle all that stuff when I already know that all that matters is Karma!"

#AG143 smiles, "#SL007, I have known you for centuries and that's why am giving you a personal advice. All the things you just called materialistic, they give you strength in your humanly life. 

Your life, it gives you an opportunity to fill in your Bank of Karma account with lots of good Karmas. 

Your goals, they are the driving factor for you, without them you wont survive a minute on earth, you will perish without any goals as these goals differ human life from other forms of life. 

And finally your relations, these are the people who will make a hard life on earth easy for you. They will support you, motivate you and guide you from the streets of nothingness to the halls of greatness. So my friend do not be afraid, all these setups that may seem irrelevant and crazy at times are a part of the master plan that almighty has made to make the world a great and a wonderful place."

#SL007 now more convinced and as ready and enthusiastic as a kid replies, "Thanks for the help #AG143, you made me relearn the things that were long forgotten. I am now ready to go and play my part in the master plan of God! See you after 55-60 years. I have heard that down on earth humans cannot sustain more than these many years now. See you soon! Please forward my itinerary I will acknowledge it."

#AG143 says, "Good decision #SL007, or else on my escalation Lord Shiva would have burnt you down to ashes with his third eye! I will forward you the itineary by EOD. See you soon #SL007 as you were right on the average age part! Godspeed!"

by Ambuj

Heaven of my Dreams

Heaven of my Dreams 

It was the year of 2009. Probably my final days in my hometown. I was standing alone at the roof of my house, cold winds were shivering my soul. Lost in the maze of my own making I was just running back in time, thinking how much I loved being there... There was no specific thing that I loved about my hometown. I loved the people around me, I just loved being around my parents. I loved the nature which surrounded me. I loved every morning as the first thing that I heard was chirping of the house sparrows. I loved those little angelic beings flying in and out of my house. But the most of all  I loved standing on the roof of my home and feeling the cold winds just passing through my soul. Priceless! While I was reliving the most beautiful memories of my life, one thought passed through my mind that stole away the bliss from me. The thought was of leaving home... Leaving everything I loved and moving on to the next phase of my life. Moving on to a world that was completely alien. Moving own and making a name in the world which never mattered to me. It is inexplicable that how much I wanted to stop but that is what we all are taught.. to move on. I did the same, I moved on.

Today it has been 6 years since I have left the heaven of my dreams. I have now learnt how to catch pace with this new world. I have proved myself worthy to this world. I have proved that I am fit for surviving in this world. Life is going normal now, I have adapted to this new world of mine. But sometimes I wonder, is this the world where I belong? Do I need to prove myself worthy in front of this world where I am just a number? Is this world worthy enough to have me in it? Have I been an altruist which I should have been to my own world or have I just taken from it? Am I happy in this new alien world? And the most important question, I  am surviving well in this world but am I living? I deserve to live or to survive?  Millions of questions and every time my heart tells me that the answer to all my questions in HOME! The world where my heart is, the world where I belong and the world which  loves me as dearly I love it.

I now know the answer to all my questions but I haven't been able to reach for it. I am afraid... I fear a million things... a million things hold me back. I want to cut loose from these strings and I strongly believe that it will happen one day. One day I will be back to the world which holds me dear. One day life will be a bliss and not a survival. One day I'll be happy again... One day I shall be free....

by Ambuj