My Oath...

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

We all have read these lines in our schools. For me these were just 2 lines from some random guy which I crammed and wrote in the exam for 2 marks. I was in my third grade at that time and getting 2 marks in an exam was much more important for me then promoting non-violence in the world. Like most of the good learning from school I forgot these lines too, until life taught me that what this really meant.

The day was 26 May 2015. My phone rang; it was 4:00 AM in the morning. It was my cousin brother; I didn't expect good news at this hour when he informed me that our Buai Ji (Uncle) had passed away. It was a completely unexpected and heart breaking news. We decided to leave for home at that very moment. We drove for the whole day and reached our late uncle's home in the evening only to witness the state of melancholy. Everyone was devastated from the unexpected demise of our uncle. It was heart breaking. Somehow I gathered strength only to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I looked up towards the sky in order to contain the tears in my eyes. We tried to console our poor aunt but in our hearts we all knew that it was not going to work, but we still did it because it was the only thing in this world we could have done at that time.

 Anyways, time had played its course. Everyone born has to leave the world one day. Next day the cremation of the body was done by my cousins, Rakesh and Rupesh (the sons of the late uncle). Then they had to take the ashes of their father to Haridwar for the final set of rituals. We had their bus ticket confirmed and they were supposed to board the bus in the evening at 4:00 PM. The bus came as scheduled and we were escorting my cousins to the bus. Rakesh was about to get in the bus when some tourists pushed him back in order to board the bus first. Ishu, one off my other cousin asked the tourist to let Rakesh get in first and in return one of the tourists said something abusive. It wasn't late when I saw a quarrel had just started in front of my eyes. I was not in the favor of this hand to hand combat and I went forward in order to separate the two parties. I had just reached near the bus when a man came and punched me out of nowhere. I still trying to be submissive, I pushed that man back without hitting him again with the intention to stop the quarrel. It was too late; I could see all the tourists charging on the six of us. I was desperately looking for my dad when I saw a man holding him from back and another one hitting him on his face. That was the first time in my life when I felt what anger was and what the meaning of unleashing the monster within is. I ran to my dad, I punched the man who was holding him from back so hard that he fell down. I then grabbed the one who was punching him and I don’t know what I did to him. The next five minutes was a black out for me.

The next thing that I remember was that I was standing near the bus and the submissive me was back. I was again trying to cool down the fight. I saw my father inside the bus and he was scolding the person who started the quarrel. I also went inside the bus when I saw the same person who was hitting my dad hiding on the back seat. I again lost myself, I rushed towards that guy abusing and blindly started hitting him non-stop on his neck. He was almost unconscious when my elder brother stopped me. I was still not done with him and I pulled him down the bus punching and kicking the shit out of him. I only stopped when finally there was no energy left in me.

The police had arrived, everything was quite now. We put in our side of the story and so did the tourists, but the police believed us based upon the witness given by the localities in our favor. The police then deported the goons from the bus and arrested them. They were taken to the police station and were left only when they apologized to us and signed an affidavit saying that no harm will be done to Rakesh and Rupesh who were already gone by that time in the bus.

All said and done we were back at home. The same things were going on in my mind. I was tired because of the fight but was not able to sleep. I was confident that the opposite party was the culprit but I was unsure whether I was right in punishing them so bad or not. I was feeling guilty; I was not able to sleep that night. I kept on turning sides on the bed thinking that my hands are paining by hitting them, what affect the beating would have done to that poor guy whom I bet so mercilessly. My blood was cold at that time but I was able to think more clearly. The face of that MAN was now clear in my mind. He was not a man… He was a boy, a college going boy I guess. He must have been a year or two younger to me. I know he was wrong in hitting a person of his dad’s age, but was I right in hitting him back and that too so relentlessly? I was cold! Real cold! My dad never taught me this, I tried to help him but by breaking the ethics that he had taught me. I was feeling so shameful on my heinous act. I still feel the excruciating pain of my act. I still have too many questions in my mind for which I think I don’t have any answers. But that very night I took a oath in my heart that this will never happen again. Never ever ever again! This is not who I am, violence doesn’t define a man. A courageous man is smart enough to find out solutions without violence. I want to be that man and will work hard to be one. For me that was the first day I ever used violence and that was the last day too!

by Ambuj